


happiness

by jjunnie (huichuu)



Series: let me count the ways. [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Character Study, Ficlet, Gen, Implied mental illness, and it impacts him a lot, but he isn't able to reconcile that person with who he is currently, he has this idea of the person he's supposed to be, minghao isn't kind to himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 01:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huichuu/pseuds/jjunnie
Summary: If you lower your expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.Someone once told Minghao he was too hard on himself. He hadn't believed them then, and he's not quite sure he believes them now(or how Minghao's learned how to cope with being unable to fulfill the expectations and goals that he and the people around him have set for himself)





	happiness

**Author's Note:**

> ~~No, this is absolutely not me projecting my own feelings into my writing. I would never do that lol~~
> 
>  
> 
> Ambiguously set before the sixth chapter in _Acts of Endearment_

**Happiness**

| ‘hapēnəs |

_Good fortune or luck in life or in a particular affair; success; prosperity._

_The state of pleasurable content of the mind, which results from success or the attainment of what is considered good._

* * *

Objectively, Minghao knows that he has a good thing going for him. He’s got a roof over his head, food on his plate, and a family that cares about him. He’s fortunate enough to have landed himself a well-paying part-time job, a flexible class schedule, and a half-scholarship that takes off the edge of his student fees.

 

By textbook definition, Minghao should be happy–should be _grateful_ that he’s able to live so comfortably when there’s other people out there who have it so much worse than he does–but he just… _isn’t._

 

It’s not like Minghao hates his college or anything; the campus is small and quaint, compact in a way that makes it feel cozy and less intimidating than the large state universities he and his friends toured during the summer. He’s actually quite enamored by it. The student body is larger than he’s used to, but it’s not so large that he feels overwhelmed. 

 

With that being said, his college is also very lonely. Unlike his friends, Minghao’s still trapped in the sleepy little town he grew up in with the same awful people he went to school with. Though, perhaps _trapped_ isn’t the right word to describe it. Minghao’s had plenty of opportunities to leave; he’s just too much of a coward to take advantage of them.

 

He’s a classic example of someone who settled, someone who was so afraid of failure that they quit before they even gave himself the opportunity _to_ fail. Minghao’s spent the last four years doing the bare minimum to remain in the top ten percentile of his graduating class (he'd lost it all in the end, so it hadn't even mattered), feigning nonchalance and indifference and convincing himself that he didn’t care about his grades or college until he could say it without feeling like he was going to be sick.

 

_If you lower your expectations, you’ll never be disappointed_.

 

Those had been the words that Minghao lived by, the mantra he’d reminded himself of every time he failed a test or scored poorly on an assignment because it was the only thing he could do–or at least that’s what he liked to tell himself. In truth, he’d just been too afraid and too anxious to ask for help because it was _embarrassing_. It wasn’t like the material was particularly difficult; everyone he knew had understood it just fine, and whenever he’d worked up the nerve to ask questions, he left feeling even more lost and confused than before.

 

But that’s beside the point. Minghao’s doing better now. He knows people,  hangs out with them sometimes–some he knows from high school and others he’s met in his classes. It's nothing to really boast about, but it's still better than before. He still doesn’t ask questions or visit professors during office hours, but he doesn’t really need to. The material is easy, and he has much more free time than he used to–and it’s _fine._

 

It doesn’t matter that Minghao gets sad sometimes. It doesn’t matter that he occasionally feels jealous of all his friends who have moved on to bigger and better things. It doesn’t matter that in the six months he’s been in college, he hasn’t found anyone he can really call his friend. It doesn’t matter, and he doesn’t care. It’s _fine_.

 

Because at the end of the day, Minghao isn’t here to make friends or have fun. He’s just trying to get his degree, and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. 

 

Minghao isn’t happy, and he definitely isn’t content, but he’s _okay_ and that’s more than enough for now.

 

It has to be.

 


End file.
